Where does your car live? - Dec 2002

Why do people leave their cars out on the drive or on the road all night when they have a garage? Why do we take such pride in our cars yet leave them on the road rather than in the garage? We spend hours cleaning them and adding gadgets to them, and then wonder why thieves steal them when it is so easy to break into them overnight.

BBQ or not !! - Oct 2002

Text Messaging - Oct 2002

Fair Trade - Aug 2002

What makes you cringe - Aug 2002

I decided to take a bath recently and there was the biggest spider you've ever seen in there. Now I don't mind mice and I  held a snake once but spiders make me cringe. To make things worse there was no one in the house to remove it for me. Luckily the girl next door came round and caught it in a large plastic container and her dad took it across the road and released it into the bushes. Now that was a very lucky spider because her sisters dog loves to eat them. Now does that make you cringe? If you have a story to make us cringe please send it to me at the following address  email@anorakman.co.uk

Mobile Phones - July 2002

Exercise !! - July  2002

Unwanted Gifts - July 2002

Support your local charity - May 2002

Names - May 2002

Fred Flintstone was a very apt name for a man that lived in stone age times and with Barney Rubble must have found their names very embarrassing in those tough times. In Canada recently when a member of a church congregation was sent to see Father Christmas she was expecting to see that white bearded gentleman with a red coat and was surprised when she was introduced to a real life Father Christmas because that was the Fathers real name. When a letter arrived for a private Car everyone thought it was someone's car tax but it was a private Car in the army and a few years later he got promotion and become a staff Car. There are hundreds of women in the United Kingdom called Carol Singer and hundreds of men called Albert Hall. It must be fun when your dentists name is Phil McCavity and a bit embarrassing if your name was Bob Down and you had a brother called Ben and a sister called Eileen. Now come on say them out aloud. Other names that might amuse you. Jack Daw, Helen Back, Ewe Bend, Rick o Shay, Hugh Rinal, Teressa Brown and her friend Terresa Green, Lou Rolls - a musician, Sandy Shore and Polly Styrene - singers, Sandy Beach, Jerry Can, Max Headroom - a comedian, Cherie Cake, Cliff Walker and Gail Warning another singer. Annette Curtain had a few problems convincing people that she was not a net curtain and Mr and Mrs Sprout called their son Russell. Mr Ball had a few problems when he became a real Cannon Ball in Rochester Cathedral a few years ago.

Beef Burgers - May 2002

I can never understand why vegetarians prefer to eat their vegetables shaped like meat in the form of sausages and burgers. Instead of mashing, mincing and shaping the vegetables into brown sausages or burgers would it not be better to have a nice red carrot, green beans or peas on your plate in their natural state.

Most meat eaters are just as bad because they prefer their meat in the form of a brown sausage or burger. Would it not look and taste better to have a nice red steak in your plate. Why do we have such a preference for these flat brown things that go in a bun.

I have been a vegetarian for about 12 years now and I must admit that many of my vegetables are shaped and made to taste like meat even if they are made of vegetables. I pay more attention to making sure that there is no gelatine or animal products in my food than to what the food looks like in the plate. Most foods are marked clearly now and it is much easier to select your diet choices but you still have to be careful of those snacks and goodies that you are offered at parties. because they can still contain animal products.

Lets try to leave our food in its natural state instead of shaping it into convenience food like burgers then we can be sure of what we are eating. Lets make natural food more interesting for the youngsters and try to prove to them that food in its natural state can be just as tasty.

What makes you sick? - April 2002

The things that make me sick

Road Humps

 The road outside our house was very bumpy. Then one day the workmen came along and repaired it. They did an excellent job, the ruts and bumps were all gone and it was a joy to drive along. I congratulated the council on spending my tax money wisely.

Then a few days later the workmen came back and put bumps back onto the road. They called them speed bumps or sleeping policemen. As I drove home that night I was confronted by a series of mounds in the road that jarred my bad back. I tried hard to avoid them without success. Other cars were slowing down and then speeding up pumping out more pollution and swerving to avoid them. Strangely they didn't seem to effect the larger white vans and heavy goods vehicles that charged along at their usual speed.

I wrote to the council to ask them for figures as to how many accidents these bumps have prevented in other areas but they did not give me any figures They told me that these bumps do reduce speed which can reduce accidents. Why they had spent thousands of pounds on making the road smooth and then spent thousands to make it bumpy again. Surely it would have been cheaper to have left the original bumps and saved my tax money.

I am in favour of any ideas to reduce accidents but not with these bumps and humps please.

Fence Painting - April 2002

I remember when I was a young lad my father handed me a large pot of Creosote and said," Get out there lad and creosote the fence". I hated the stuff, it stank and because it was very runny most of it ended up on me in the form of spots that looked like black measles or on the garden killing off many of his plants. These days thankfully there are many types of wood treatments at your local garden centre or shops  that don't smell as bad and are much kinder to our plants. They come in a variety of pleasant colours and shades to add a bit of colour to your garden. Unfortunately some people still insist on using the old creosote and if you are one of these people make sure your neighbour does not have any climbers growing up his side of the panel because he will  lose them all.  Creosote still has its uses but not on my fence panels please. 

Gadgets - April 2002

I have been looking at some gadgets on sale in the shops and by mail order.
You can take a bath or shower to your favourite CDs or Radio Station with a shower music centre for under £80. It has a clock and a clip to hang on the shower rail. It is completely waterproof for the person that floods the bathroom.
For your wife doing the cooking there is a Kitchen Audio Centre. Complete with CD and FM radio she can cook to the sounds of her favourite music for £99.90.
If you just want to relax in bed to your favourite TV channel there is a Philips wireless TV link that will send the Satellite and Video signals around the house with a range of up to 30 meters and no holes to drill. It also transmits the remote control commands so that you can change channels without getting up. The TV link costs £129.
If your wife complains about the noise from the TV in bed there is a pair of FM cordless headphones for £49.99.
To save you lifting a finger to change channels I found a remote control that recognises your voice and accent so that you can speak commands to your TV. It will operate up to 8 devices and is completely voice activated so that when you say "switch on TV" it will do it for you and do don't have to move an inch.
If your wife is in the garden while you are watching TV in bed you can call her to bring you up a cup of tea with a pair of two way Walkie Talkies for £79.99. They have a range of 3 KM if you have a large garden.
For the ultimate TV addict you can buy a pair of bed specs for £29.99. You can lie flat on your back in bed and the prisms in the specs will deflect your vision by 90 deg. So that you can watch your TV without lifting your head.
If you ever get out of bed to drive your car you can have a cigarette lighter adapter that gives you three sockets so that you can plug in your cassette player, car vacuum cleaner and charge your mobile phone all at the same time.
Perhaps someone will soon vent a voice activated device to operate your mobile phone in your car.

Patio or Lawn? - April 2002

My Mother in Law is a very active person but she is getting on in years now so she decided to replace much of her lawn with a patio and stone features She thought this would mean less work because she found the weekly mowing of the grass was getting beyond her. When the patio was laid she decided it was a bit bare and needed brightening up so she bought pots and planted them up  to add a splash of colour. It looked great but this was where the trouble started because instead of a weekly cut for the grass she had a daily chore of watering and tending to all these pots and the patio needed a regular clean. She found herself spending more time looking after the patio than when it was a lawn. Personally I think a good lawn is an asset to any garden and need not take up too much of your time to keep it in good order. The shops and garden centres have a large range of cutting and edging equipment to keep your lawn in trim and they sell many types of lawn treatments to keep your lawn weed free and green. Small beds can be set aside for your plants to add colour. Consider carefully the consequences before digging up your lawn.

Spring garden clear up - March 2002

During the winter months we rarely venture out into the garden because it either resembles a swamp or an artic wasteland. The wind has blown your fence panels into the neighbours garden damaging his shrubs and you try to avoid him at all costs. The slugs are the size of snakes and they are busy munching anything left. Dead leaves are piling up against the shed and cats from miles around are using the garden as a convenience. The grass has grown so much that it covers your boots - does it ever stop growing these days? and the bushes you forgot to prune last week have collapsed in a heap.

Now is the time to start the clean up because the nights are getting shorter and you cant keep avoiding your neighbour.

Despite all this, gardening can be fun and you can create a beautiful garden from all these shambles so that when summer comes you can sit back with a glass of wine and admire the results of all your efforts without a backache

Firstly write down a list of the jobs to be done. This can be considerable so don't worry. Write alongside the priority in order of importance. It is important to plan your tasks taking into account the weather conditions.

You may decide to make grass cutting a high priority if the weather is dry because the grass can get flattened if you walk on it a lot when wet. Grass can be cut at any time of the year with a higher blade in wet weather. Secondly cleaning up the debris can have an instant effect and make the garden look much better. You may need a skip if you have lots of rubbish because cutting it all up and bagging it can take up much of your precious time. If you have tall trees and shrubs then consider calling in a tree surgeon because it can be dangerous climbing up ladders on soft ground. He will then remove all the large branches from your property.

Fence panels are easily replaced these days check all the panels and posts because when one panel falls the others usually follow soon. Metal spikes are the easiest way to replace the posts and these can be bought in most garden centres. Remember when you use spikes you do not need such long posts. Try to keep the soil away from the base of the post because they can easily rot. Transporting the panels from the garden centre can be a problem but they will deliver or if you do not have a friend with a van some centres will loan you one.

Now consider attracting the birds with a bird table. I do love watching the antics of our feathered friends at meal times.

Now your garden is beginning to look better you can start to plan what you are going to buy to replace the shrubs and fill the gaps. This part is more enjoyable and again planning is important because you don't want to a shrub or tree in a place not suitable for it. It amazes me how often I see a neighbour spend a lot of time and money buying and planting shrubs only to dig them up again next year.

Gardening need not be an expensive and time consuming task if you plan your work properly. Avoid back problems and take it easy, work in short spells and you can have a beautiful garden in the summer to relax in and enjoy your glass of wine.